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Monday, April 6, 2015

Myths about long distance relationship

Long distance relationship is not for the faint hearted. I am speaking from my own experience. I have been through different phases of long distance relationship and these experiences have matured my thinking. I think I am qualified enough to write this post.

1. Things will improve with time

No, things will not improve with time unless both parties are committed to make things work. You can't go to bed, wake up 2 years later and expect your relationship to blossom. As time passes by, you get to know each other a little more and behaviour becomes more predictable. You will know what the other person is thinking and less guess work needs to be done. But all these require effort and communication.

2. Love can overcome the distance

This may sound encouraging but don't plunge into a long distance relationship based on inspirational quotes. Both parties in a long distance relationship need to be independent, matured and independent. I stress on independence because believe it or not, loneliness will kick in at some point of time. You can call, message and skype but some emotions cannot be relayed through these channels. If you enter into a long distance relationship with a healthy starting point, meaning you are already very satisfied with your life, then you possess the right mentality to be engaged in such relationship. If you are someone in need of that companion to make your life complete, think twice.

This is how your typical day sounds like in a long distance relationship. You wake up in the morning and check your phone for messages, you greet each other good morning and hurry off to work/school. Throughout the day, you drop each other messages and words of encouragement. You message and then you wait for a reply. If the reply doesn't come, you start wondering what's wrong. Sometimes you will receive photos from him/her and you smile to yourself. The usual things you say to each other are "How's your day?", "What are you doing?", "Have you eaten?", "I love you." and "I miss you.". Your life revolves around your phone. When you see other couples, you can't help thinking, how good if you could be here.

Occasionally, you fly over to meet up with your love. Those were the happiest moments of your life then comes the time when you have to bid each other goodbye. Such scenes will replay countless times and no matter how many times you have been through it, saying goodbye will not get easier with time.

3. It's just a matter of trust

Trust is a really tricky term to use. No matter how strong you are mentally and how trusting you are in your partner, there will be times when you start having doubts and suspicion. You will experience internal conflict when you can't use logic to gel the facts together. There is nothing you can do when you are miles apart. The only thing you can do is to trust. If you ever thought of checking up on your partner, forget it, it makes this love meaningless. You can do it once, you can do it twice but are you going to do it forever? If you find something, the relationship will end, if you find nothing, give yourself a pat on the back but you need to know that you have just broken the bond that holds the both of you together. Simply put, once you start doubting, that's the end.

Make sure the relationship you are heading into is something worth saying, "I give you the right to hurt me but I know you wouldn't. Even if you did, I have no regrets.". This attitude, coupled with a real nice guy/girl partner who thinks likewise, will make your relationship a success. With this attitude, you no longer need to worry about anything. At the end of this journey, there can be two outcomes - success or failure. What matters most is you have already decided that it's worth risking and you have no regrets.

4. I need to make sacrifices

I would say, lead a normal life. Long distance relationship doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice everything in your life. In every relationship, it's a give and take. You might try to make up for the guilt of not being able to physically date by skyping every now and then. By the way, it's no one's fault that you two are born or are living in different countries. Spend some time with your families and friends. Love is just one facet of life. Do not give up on your interests and passion. You can give in your all and one day, the relationship ends. What are you going to do then? Crumble and lose the meaning of life?

If your partner loves you, I am sure he/she wouldn't request you to change your life for him/her. You can be apart but you can still love and be happy even though you are not physically together.

Love is perhaps the subject that is hardest to master. Having a PhD doesn't guarantee you will have a successful love life. I'd like to think it as fate. Long distance relationship is like many other relationships just that it has an extra hurdle. If you can jump across this hurdle, it makes your relationship so much stronger.

I have many friends who have been through long distance relationship for a couple of years and are now happily married. It's not impossible but just be prepared to do a little more, endure a little more and understand a lot more.

Good luck.

1 comment:

  1. You have such an interesting blog. Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading your posts. All the best for your future blogging journey.